Jack of No Trades Read online

operations and parked with theforward port facing the area. I said:

  "We'll watch from here, Mr. Goil. You can see the debris floating downthere." I pointed, and Goil looked at the little pin points of lightreflecting from a great volume of dust, nebula-like in its dimluminosity. "When the crew starts actual operation, we will turn onthe magnification screens and get some close-up views of the process."

  "Please explain this to me," said Goil. "I've never seen an asteroid'soperation before."

  "Of course, Mr. Goil. I didn't know. This asteroid patch, or vein, aswe like to call it, has a better than average content of metal oresand compounds. As you can see, we have swept the loose ends, so tospeak, together. And there you see the result. In the center of thatnebulous sort of mass is a large asteroid. There is at least one inalmost every patch. We use that as the core, and by planting a largegravity generator on it and feeding it a great deal of power, it andthe asteroid attracts most of the nearby debris. The gravity generatorhas been souped up tremendously. It burns out rather quickly, but itoperates long enough for our purposes. There is a respectable layer ofassorted sizes of asteroids hugging the core. And there are severalmiles of dust surrounding everything. After the gravity generator hasburned out, the big attraction dies out, of course. But theproximity of the debris is still enough to hold them together for sometime."

  "What is that stray body off to one side?"

  "That is the trigger asteroid," I answered.

  A couple of minutes before triggering time, I reached over and punchedthe channel button on operations frequency. Immediately the usualoperations chatter came rushing out at us from the speaker. Suddenly avoice blasted out saying, "Ready, Sam? Clear, everybody! Eyes off! Tento go!" A countdown was started.

  I had switched on four screens, each a different magnification. Ipointed to a spheroid on one of the screens and said, "There's thetrigger body. It's equipped with a sub-space energizer big enough toget it into sub-space and return it to normal. Then there is a smallpropulsor unit with just enough energy to send it to the center ofthat mess. Then it returns to normal space smack dab in the center ofthe core asteroid. And when the asteroid matter and the trigger bodymatter try to occupy the same space at the same time.... Watch it goout."

  It did. Just disappeared.

  The debris-encrusted mass vaporized. It seemed to do it slowly,lazily. Much of the debris was flung out from the mass, but raw energyof boiling vapors chased it, overtook it, and then it too was vapor.The light emitted from the vaporizing collection of bodies would havebeen optic nerve searing if Goil and I had not been looking at itthrough the screens. The vapor continued to expand and spread until itlooked like a miniature nebula.

  I said, "The triggering body is about half the size of the core body.The heat that results from the explosion vaporizes nearly a hundredper cent of the material. What little solid matter that escapes is oflittle consequence."

  Goil watched in fascination. The spectrum of colors displayed wereunbelievably, indescribably beautiful. The brilliant cloud masses thatboiled and leaped around were like things alive trying to escape theterrible inner torment.

  * * * * *

  A long time passed, but the sight was so hypnotizing that Goil seemedto be unaware of just how long he had been watching. Finally I brokethe silence.

  "Watch the specks on the far left screen. They are the gravitor tugs.They are ready to move in."

  I stepped up the magnification on the screen. Goil watched a number ofgreat, ugly ships line abreast, head for the glowing clouds, enter,and disappear from sight.

  "Those tugs are modifications of the scientific ships that sweep closeto the sun to observe solar phenomena first hand. They are imperviousto the relatively low heat of the vapor. They will do the fringesfirst. The center is still too turbulent. By the time they completethe fringes, the center will be calm enough to sweep. They work theirway inward all the time."

  "How long will it take to complete the operation?" Goil asked.

  "With a cloud this size, about a week. It's best to get on it rightaway. The tougher metals come out sooner than the softer and lightermetals with lower vaporizing points. Recovery has to be made while themetals are in the vapor state or the gravitors won't workefficiently."

  "Exactly how does it work?" asked Goil.

  "Well, I guess you might remotely compare it to fractionaldistillation," I said. "Only we gather metals instead of fluids. Thereason for vaporizing the solids is to make the ships accessible tothe metals. It spreads the matter out thin. The gravitors work verywell in the hot vapor. Behind each ship is towed a gravitor. Eachgravitor is set to attract a particular metal, somewhat the way amagnet attracts iron, again loosely comparing. A magnet, as you know,attracts by magnetic force. The gravitors are adjusted to attract ametal by selecting its gravitic attraction. As the gravitor ships passthrough the vapor, the gravitors behind them attract the metal theyare set for. When load size has been reached, they are taken to thecache near the station."

  * * * * *

  We watched the operation for three more hours. Goil wanted to see thefirst of the gravitor tugs emerge with its load. Finally a shipemerged from the cloud mass and headed for the station.

  "What is it carrying?" Goil asked, looking at the tremendous mass ofincandescent material being towed a mile behind the tug.

  "Tungsten," I said. "Would you like to see our cache?"

  I steered the little observation ship past the station. When wearrived at the cache area I eased the speed of the ship until it wasbarely moving around among tremendous masses of various metals. Goilrecognized small spheroids of gold and silver. I pointed out othermetals, some in greater quantities than others, all floating in space,with thick cables connecting them. I saw Goil looking at the cablescuriously.

  "Keeps them from drifting apart," I said.

  For another twenty minutes we cruised around the cache. Goil saidonly a word now and then. He was visibly impressed by the mountains ofmetal all around, all representing untold potential wealth. I think hebetter understood how such an expensive operation so far from Earthcould be quite profitable.

  "You may wonder," I said, "just how I located this cache. There areseveral little transmitters among the piles. I just home in on any oneof them. Each metal cache has its own frequency. Gold, silver,tungsten, beryllium...."

  Goil nodded. "Let's go back to the station."

  * * * * *

  Goil called for Orrin and me. We entered his temporary quarters.

  "Sit down," he said. He suggestively waved smoke away from his face,and Orrin stubbed out his cigar.

  "Mr. Orrin," Goil started, "you may have one of the top asteroidmining stations, but in spite of your fine production record, thereseem to be some discrepancies we don't understand.

  "For example, certain supply items are being used in greaterquantities than the size of your operations require. This seems tohave been going on for some time according to your records--and whatyour records do not show. Your expendable supplies items accountingseems to be lax, if not outright careless. Furthermore, there seems tobe some non-expendable items that can't be accounted for, a couple ofmajor items among them. This doesn't make much sense out here in themiddle of nowhere, unless careless loss is the answer. Such lossescould hardly be attributed to theft. Needless to say, theft out herewould serve a thief absolutely no purpose."

  "What major items are not accounted for?" asked Orrin, with a puzzledlook on his face, as if he didn't believe Goil.

  "The only thing I can recall offhand," said Goil, "is a tug. Andthat's pretty major."

  I gave an inner sigh of relief. "I can account for that," I said. "AndMr. Orrin can back me up. The tug lost steering control the other dayand crashed into one of the larger asteroids. It was demolished. Theaccident report and destruction data are a little slow getting intothe records section."

  "That's right," said Orrin. "Willy Maloon made the inspec
tion and Icertified it. Total loss. The tug was going mighty fast when it hit."

  "Where are the remains?" asked Goil.

  "Whenever anything big enough is destroyed," I answered, "it is placedwith the next batch of asteroids to be vaporized. The metals arerecovered that way, so the thing is not quite a total loss. That tugwas vaporized during the operation we watched yesterday."

  "I see," said Goil. "And this man, ah--Maloon--can he be trusted onsuch an inspection?"

  "One of the best," I answered.

  "Anyway," continued Goil, "there seems to be something peculiar goingon here. I've instructed my teams to go into this as deeply as theycan."

  Orrin nodded. I nodded too, but I felt a bit apprehensive. This was anawkward time for Goil to have arrived. And it might prove even moreawkward for him to take sudden interest in Willy.

  * * * * *

  The next day, Goil summoned Orrin and me to his quarters once again.It was about an hour after the end of a normal work-day. Orrin and Iwere both available, and we met at the door of Goil's quarters atabout the same time.

  Goil had thunderclouds ready to burst hanging around his head. I couldsee that as soon as we entered the room. Orrin's spirits visiblydropped. So did mine.

  The black cloud over Goil burst. For five minutes without letup hestormed. When Orrin and I recovered a little from the deluge, Goil wassaying:

  "... complete indications of careless management. And management, Mr.Orrin, starts at the top." He looked hard at Orrin. Then he turned tome adding, "And goes on down. _How_ can you account for a missingsub-space energizer, especially one as large and powerful as the oneswe use? And one gravity generator?"

  "Huh?" said Orrin, seeming to come out of a daze. "What's missing?"

  Goil slowed down a bit. "One gravity generator and one sub-spaceenergizer, Mr. Orrin. One each of these items is used for eachvaporizing process. And you have one too few vaporizing projects onrecord. And one each gravity generator and energizer unsigned for,completely unaccounted for--so far."

  "What do you mean, 'so far'?" I asked. "Have you any idea how we canaccount for these two items?"

  "I have indeed," said Goil.

  "I don't understand," said Orrin in a helpless tone. "How could anyonelose or misplace anything as big as those? It doesn't make sense."

  I was glad Orrin had put the question that way.

  "Precisely," said Goil. "I don't believe someone did misplace or losethose items. I believe someone took them for a purpose."

  "That's ridiculous!" snapped Orrin. "Out here in space? For what?"

  "Maybe we'll learn soon," said Goil. "One William Maloon should be onhis way here right now to do some explaining."

  I turned cold all over. What had Willy done to expose himself so? Iwondered. Aloud I said:

  "What has Willy to do with this, Mr. Goil? Willy is one of our bestmen, completely trustworthy."

  "A hard worker and really ambitious," added Orrin.

  "No doubt," Goil said acidly. "Ambitious to his own ends. I've checkedMr. Maloon's personnel records and I found some interesting things.Mr. Maloon is not any sort of qualified engineer. Or even an experttechnician. Why, he's not even a good journeyman of any trade. Hisonly approach to some sort of claim to formal training is a singlecorrespondence course!"

  "He's a good hard-working technician!" defended Orrin.

  "Sure," said Goil. "He learned the hard way. Through experience," headded sarcastically. "Can you tell me, Mr. Orrin, exactly what is Mr.Maloon's job here?"

  "He's an engineer fill-in," said Orrin with a trace of doubt in hisvoice. "He's on call and handy for just about any job around here."

  "In a limited capacity, no doubt," Goil said dryly. "And he apparentlydoes a lot of jobs around here he's not expected to do. A check ofyour tool cribs and equipment storage shows that Maloon has had hishands on just about everything you have available at one time oranother since he has been here. Mr. Maloon is a very busy man duringhis off-duty hours, it seems."

  "What has this to do with calling Willy in about the missing energizerand generator?" I ventured to ask.

  "Part of a suspicion," Goil said. "Maloon's use of company tools andequipment increased just before the disappearance of those two piecesof equipment. It may be significant or it may not. What is significantis this: everybody having access to supply and equipment was outparticipating in one way or another in the operation the other day. Itseems that everybody can be accounted for but Maloon. He could easilyhave had time to get unauthorized items out of supply."

  "This is fantastic!" snorted Orrin.

  * * * * *

  They don't know the half of it! I thought to myself.

  I didn't want Willy to have to face Goil. Willy was weak in someways.... Aloud I said:

  "I know Willy quite well, Mr. Goil. If you will let me talk tohim...."

  "I'm sure you do," said Goil icily. "You and he came here together.Even applied and were accepted for this job together," he addedsignificantly.

  * * * * *

  There was a mild knock on the door. It opened slowly and Willy stoodin the doorway, hesitating before entering, looking around the room.He said:

  "You wanted to see me, Mr. Goil?"

  Mr. Garfield Goil, in spite of his somewhat unstable temperament, hadmade rapid strides in his career to his present staff position. He wasno nincompoop. He was well educated and trained, and had apparentlylearned to measure a man accurately and quickly. He so seemed tomeasure Willy at a glance, drawing, no doubt, also from his recentexamination of Willy's records, and the personality profile he hadgleaned from it. Willy (he probably reasoned) for all his foibleswould be basically truthful, especially if confronted by Authority.And he apparently was timid and obviously worried. Therefore, he musthave some cause to worry. Therefore, the impact of direct actionshould produce quick results. Mr. Goil asked:

  "Willy, we'd like to know what happened to the gravity generator andthe sub-space energizer."

  Be it noted that it was a statement question and not an accusation.But Goil said it in such a tone and manner that it implied that Willyand only Willy could give an answer.

  Willy felt and looked the impact of the words. He looked pleadingly atme, whose eyes sought interest in one of the empty chairs. Then helooked at Orrin for succor, but Orrin only stared back at Willyhalf-accusingly.

  But my own spirits had given a little jump at Goil's use of Willy'sgiven name. This had not happened before. And this was mostuncharacteristic of Goil, particularly in a situation like this one.

  Could it be, I thought, Willy's personable influence working on Goil?

  Willy floundered for words, then stammered out with, "I--I don't knowwhat you mean, Mr. Goil."

  Goil, apparently confident that his attack was going well, said, "I'msure you do, Willy. Think. Wasn't it Thursday that you removed thatgenerator and the energizer from the stock room? These are veryexpensive and complicated items, Willy. If they can be recovered, somuch the better. What could you possibly have done with them?"

  "I--I didn't--" Willy started weakly.

  Goil stood up from behind his desk, leaned forward, and his featurestwisted even more in sudden anger. He shouted, "Maloon, you were theonly one who could have taken them! The only one who was not workingin the vaporizing operation. Maloon, I'm going to find those things,and I'm going to prove you took them if I have to stay here for thenext six months! And then I'm going to fire you and prosecute you.Maloon, what have you done with those things?"

  Willy tried to sink right through the floor.

  I felt utterly helpless and a little angry at Goil's bullying tactics.

  Orrin, suddenly angry, shouted, "Mr. Goil, this isn't a court of law.No one is on trial here."

  "This may not be a court of law, Mr. Orrin," Goil said, no less angrythan Orrin, "but you can call it a court of inquiry. You seem toforget that your position might be at stake here. Your in
terferingwith my investigation will be taken into consideration separatelyafter this matter at hand has been resolved."

  This remark, and the severity with which it was made, only angeredOrrin more, but he held himself in check.

  Willy had been fidgeting and looking back and forth at Orrin and Goilwith a guilty and despondent look on his face. He started to say:

  "I don't want to cause any trouble, Mr. Orrin. Ah--just how serious--"

  "Hold it, Willy!" I shouted. "You haven't been accused of anythingyet. You don't have to say anything without counsel."

  * * * * *

  Goil turned baleful eyes on me, and I shut up suddenly. He said, "Mr.Weston, let me repeat: no formal accusations have been made--yet. I amtrying to learn certain facts. One fact I have learned already is thatyou are exceedingly friendly with Willy. Furthermore, you as seniorengineer-foreman should be aware of what is going on around here. Mr.Weston, you have not been absolved of this yet. Duty-wise, orpersonally," he added.

  Willy was resigned to his own professional downfall. He looked andmust have felt utterly miserable. He had done wrong and he knew it.And he was not one to let his friends get any blame for what he haddone. He said:

  "That's right, Mr. Goil. I did take the generator and the energizer."

  My morale suddenly hit bottom and flattened. My mind went intooverdrive in an effort to think of some way to extricate Willy fromhis blundering admission. Poor Willy, who had the body of a wrestler,the temperament of a poet, and a boundless generosity wanted toconfess all.

  But what a sacrifice, I thought. My mind sought answers and words andfound none.

  Orrin stared at Willy, open-mouthed. He said unbelievingly, "What?"

  "Yes, sir. I got the energizer and the generator."

  Goil sat back with a self-satisfied look on his face.

  I shot Willy a scolding glance and said, "Willy, you don't have to sayanother thing--"

  Before I could get out any more words, Goil snapped out, "Weston, onemore word from you unless I ask for it, and you will find yourselfunder station arrest for insubordination--do you understand?"

  I clamped my mouth shut. The more I defended Willy, the more Willywould talk in order to protect his uninvolved friends.

  Goil said to me in a low, ominous voice, "I am invested with certainCompany powers out here, and I intend to use them fully. I intend tocontinue with this investigation in spite of any opposition you giveme. Pending on the outcome, Mr. Orrin and Mr. Weston, you are bothrelieved of your positions as of now--say for mismanagement ofpersonnel and company property.

  "Mr. Maloon, I am placing you under station arrest by authority of myposition, and because of your admission of theft. Pay and allowancesfor all of you are suspended as of today.

  "That's all. Please leave."

  * * * * *

  Willy was the first to leave, with his head hanging low in shame.Orrin left next, with fury shining plainly from his eyes. I lingereduntil Willy had left. Then I closed the door and swung around to faceGoil.

  Goil was looking at me peculiarly. He said, "I told you to go,Weston."

  "I will," I said. "But first I want to tell you something."

  "When I want to hear your side of the story, I'll ask you for it,"Goil said nastily.

  "It won't wait," I said in a new voice that caused Goil to look at meclosely. "I want to tell you now while we are alone."

  Goil's eyes narrowed. "Weston, anything you have to say one way or theother I'll use against you later. Anything you want to say to saveyour own skin just won't do any good."

  I became suddenly infuriated. I stepped forward and slammed my fist onthe desk top and said in a low, poisonous voice, "Goil, you've shovedyour prying nose into something you know very little about. You'rejumping to conclusions about something you know only part of. Now I'mforced to reveal certain facts which you shouldn't be knowing. And I'mgoing to tell you here and now whether you want to listen or not!"

  Goil had reddened and risen from his chair. But I towered over himthreateningly and he dropped back in his chair in quiet incense.

  "That's better," I said, somewhat cooled off. "Now listen. What I haveto say may seem incredible to you. Hear me out, then speak your piece.And I think I can prove what I say to your satisfaction. In any event,I hope I can trust your confidence on this. You'll understand what Imean by the time I'm finished.

  "First, Willy did take the energizer and the generator. 'Steal,' ifyou wish to say so. I knew it. Orrin, nor anyone else knows it though.Second, those are not the only things he has taken. Third, his takingthings like that has been happening all the time he has been here. Ithappened before he got here, wherever he was.

  "He is not a kleptomaniac. He steals, not because he has a compulsionto do so, nor for economic gain, but for a more important reason."

  Goil said, "Stop beating around the bush. If you think you havesomething to say, go ahead and say it."

  "I'm trying to," I said. "But it's not something easily explained.

  "Willy is nothing but a great big rabbit's foot."

  "_What?_"

  "Mr. Goil, Willy is the exact opposite of an accident prone. Willy isa safety prone. No accidents involving personal injury ever happenwhen he is around. Not even minor ones."

  * * * * *

  Goil looked hostilely skeptical at me. "I seem to recall some accidentreports you sent in. You signed them yourself, I believe, as safetyofficer."

  "That's right," I said feeling foolish. "But they were falsifiedreports. And I've requisitioned medical supplies too, that were neverneeded."

  "Now why would you want to do a thing like that?" asked Goil in a tonecold with obvious disbelief, and the tenor of humoring a madman.

  "To keep reports and consumption statistics where they belong," Ianswered.

  "I'm more than just an employee of the Company. I'm also a researchpsychologist. And I'm studying Willy. I'll admit that throughinfluence and other ways I got Willy and me a job out here isolatedwith a relatively small group doing rather dangerous work, normally.That was planned. It's easier to study him this way. I can prove this,of course."

  "How do you know for certain Willy is a safety prone?"

  "Through non-accident statistics where he has worked."

  * * * * *

  Goil removed a small pen knife from his pocket, opened the blade, anddrew it across the back of his hand. The cut bled. He said, "Look. I'minjured."

  I shook my head. "You are injured, but it's not the same thing. It wasnot an accident."

  Goil stood up. "I've heard enough of your gibberish. Willy is a thiefand you are a pathological liar. What you have just told me is purefantasy, a yarn concocted to try to protect you and Willy. I havelittle doubt but what you really believe it yourself. Mr. Weston, youare a sick man."

  "I told you it would sound incredible.

  "Willy only steals or alters the normal sequence of events so thataccidents involving human injury won't happen. Sometimes his behaviorpatterns are simple, sometimes complex. But always--always thesynergism, syndrome, or whatever you want to call it, is the same. Ihave a file of tape recordings I can let you hear, and incidenthistories--"

  "Which may very well be considered part of _your_ syndrome," saidGoil. "Mr. Weston, you are either the system's boldest liar, or youare sick. You can't really expect me to believe all that garbage, nowcan you?"

  "With that unimaginative type mind you seem to have, Mr. Goil, no, Idon't expect you to believe. But it was worth a try. Willy is up tosomething big right now, and if you interrupt it, there is no tellingwhat will happen."

  "We'll find out," Goil said, "for I expect to find out what this isall about. Now if you'll leave--"

  I spun on my heel, angry at Goil's intolerant stupidity. I whippedopen the door and slammed it shut behind me. Then I stormed to myquarters where I broke open a fresh bottle of Scotch. I downed acouple of quic
k shots then nursed a third, thinking about the time outnear Jupiter when Willy had rigged up a still and brewed some powerfulconcoction. He had insisted that we all sample it, and everyone had,just to please Willy (they thought!) and had all gotten roaring drunk.And had safely passed through one of those plague areas that come uponce in a century out of who knows where to decimate any populationthat happens to be in the way.

  We had made an emergency landing at another mining station. We hadwalked through the corridors and rooms looking for desperately neededparts and supplies, and had tried to count the dead until the taskbecame too sickening, exposed in every possible way to the voraciousmicroorganisms that had killed every being aboard. But none of us hadgotten even a headache. We found our parts and took off again.

  Willy never made any more of that brew.

  I wondered often what could have been in that stuff to make it such apowerful antibiotic.

  I had been early in the process of studying Willy then and had not hadforesight enough to keep a sample of that brew. I had lost one chanceright then to add materially to the medical knowledge of humanity. Andnow that stupid Gar Goil was on the point of interrupting all furtherresearch.

  * * * * *

  For the next ten minutes I considered ways I could get Goil near anairlock so I could shove him through, sans suit, and with enoughvelocity so that he would end up somewhere in the Coal-sack region.But I gave up the idea, conceding that it would be impossible;somewhere along the line Willy would prevent it.

  I took one more Scotch and went to bed. All night long I crossed andrecrossed the threshold of sleep, my mind filled with methods ofstudying and analyzing the intricacies of Willy's behavior; trying todiscover any common factors so that others of his genre could easilybe discovered and put to work and their by-products salvaged.

  The following day was